If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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