just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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