This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
