brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
