DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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