our cab driver is having phone sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Randomize
