Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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