just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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