My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
