If that was your dad, he is hot
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
