I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
