We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize