God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
