You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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