the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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