Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
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