i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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