Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
