i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
