i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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