I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
