I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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