I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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