I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
only you would photoshop your dick
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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