shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm getting married
To pizza
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
