i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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