dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
