yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
