I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
