my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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