Hey man sorry I got all grabby
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
