He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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