Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
