I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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