The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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