yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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