I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
