She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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