I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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