So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
