So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
