He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Randomize