Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
MIDGETS
????
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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