She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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