Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize