I cockslap morals
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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