Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
