Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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