sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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