i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
