Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize