Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
