well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
