She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
