Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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