I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
