I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
