How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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