Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
