There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
