The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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