All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
