i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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