I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
