Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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