Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
