Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
