im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
