I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
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