everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize