Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Never let your siblings swipe right.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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