Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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