It's Friday. Sex?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
