and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
My boob is missing a layer of skin
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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